Rebels & Mutineers is set in modern day New Orleans, Louisiana. R&M is fueled by player's plots and group input.
Supernatural people have always had their place in society, hidden in plain sight or locked away for their own protection. New Orleans, a haven for the strange and mysterious and a magnet for the supernatural.
Established: Oct. 27th, 2018 Recently Updated Posts && Recently Updated Threads
05.11.19
As the community reels from the untimely death of Lucia Lovelle, life has to move on. Primrose readies for the annual Prom celebration! Keep your eye out for a event board and have fun!
02.27.19
It's not too late to vote for February's OTM winners! The winners for January, keep an eye out on your messages for your winner's graphics for your signature. Already voted? Make sure you check out the Mardi Gras event board! Party up, have a good time, and enjoy!
Post by Elijah Noel Cartwright on Nov 23, 2018 20:20:10 GMT
so, i'm a mess.
and honestly i'm terrible about talking about this but i know that some of you guys deal with some mental health issues and i just want to be sappy and post this because you're not alone (see i don't actually want to be sappy but it's gonna happen).
disclaimer: i hate talking about this. it embarasses me and makes me uncomfortable but i am doing it because i think some people will benefit from it? idk. here we go tho.
and i'm about to get real with you so trigger warning:
first of all, i want you to know that you can always come and vent away to me because i really don't mind at all. come talk to me. you always have me.
there's something about being friends with people online that makes this easier. i don't talk about this shit with my family much. my college roommates only knew about it because they watched the anxiety attacks happen and i couldn't do much about that.
so... i am really fortunate to have not faced any tragedy, really. i live with both my parents and i don't have to worry about paying house bills yet. i recognize this luck that i have. but sometimes, i don't need a reason to have an anxiety attack.
so if you have anxiety attacks, i get you. so much. i have never really had depression, but anxiety is really awful to me. there are things that make me so fucking emotional for no rational reason and people who don't get it kind of just are like 'it's not a big deal. just calm down.' needless to say, that doesn't actually make me calm down.
i take medication for anxiety but lately i've realized i might need a higher dose. it's been working really well for like 2 years but i think i need something more and i'm kind of nervous to ask my doctor about it. idk why. i'm a little embarassed, i think. idk. i'm very unsure why the subject makes me upset and uncomfortable and awkward.
i live near new york city but going is a huge production for me. i'm going tomorrow, in fact, to see a show but i'm always afraid to go. because there are a lot of people, being loud, bumping into you... and irrational as it sounds i'm always terrified to be in such a big city because if there were to be some sort of attack, that's where it'd be more likely to happen. i don't feel safe there.
i also get migraines that take my vision from me, and a common migraine trigger for me is lack of sleep. i often get little sleep the night before going into nyc because of anxiety, and so i'm always sitting on the train worrying about whether or not i'll get a migraine and trying to figure out what i will do if that blind spot shows up in the center of my field of vision. migraines are awful, but let me tell you i wish it was just the incapacitating head pain and vomiting and shakiness. that i can handle. but going blind has always been the worst part of it for me. so yea, i'm typing this right now feeling really incredibly anxious about the high-stakes situation that is my trip to nyc tomorrow.
talking in chats with a bunch of people has always been intimidating for me. coming here already knowing or being familiar with a few of the members made it easier, but discord is like terrifying sometimes because i'm not good at keeping up with conversations.
i'm the person who doctors dread because i pass out. regularly. when i go to the doctor. a triggering scent to me is the "clean" smell... the cleaning alcohol that is evident when you go to the doctor, the tattoo parlor, or even just when you open up a thing of hand sanitizer. i hate that smell. i've passed out several times at the doctor before getting a shot. i've also passed out in school while giving presentations in front of a class.
the only thing that really triggers me in posts is drug overdose. the mention of needles or drugs is okay. what i don't want to read is someone overdosing and passing out on the floor. i don't want to read the details of the needle going into the arm. i don't want to have enough descriptive writing to picture someone actually shooting up. i lost a friend in 2013 and it sounds dumb that 5 years hasn't been enough time but it hasn't. i don't want to read about it because i saw him in his open casket and i just can't right now with that. i'm not ready. don't want to read about it.
this turned into, like, not an organized thing at all but i guess i just wanted to share? so you know. i get it if you're anxious. i understand, to some degree, how stressful it is. and you can come to me always.
feel free to use this to talk about what you want. as much or as little as you want.
Post by Aisling Maeve Donoghue on Nov 24, 2018 0:25:43 GMT
s'cuse me, just gonna drop this stuff here. (I love you so much for starting this thread and feeling comfortable enough to share.)
trigger warning:
I love you so much for starting this thread and feeling comfortable enough to share. Mental illness is an absolute bitch.
I've suffered with depression for the majority of my life. To be honest, I can barely remember a time when I wasn't plagued by this cloud of sadness. Every happy moment is tainted because I have to stop and ask myself, "is this when depression rears its head?"
I don't know if there was every a particular thing that brought it on or if it was just the onset of puberty and the genetics that run through my every essence. My parents both have struggled with their own mental illnesses as well. I can't say that I blame them for the fact that I have it, but I know it's not all circumstantial.
I struggle with self-image a lot. Most of my life I've been overweight, I've been bullied, and I've been belittled by own family members. I don't know if they're all intending to do it, if it's meant to come across the way that it does, but it hurts and it sucks. I contribute my lack of confidence to be a big part of my depression and my anxiety.
I developed anxiety probably 7 or 8 years ago. There was an incident within my family that I'm not going to discuss here, but it brought on a severe case of separation anxiety that then manifested into anxiety itself.
When it comes to going out, I struggle. I'm fine being out and about for an hour or two and then I'm ready to go home. I won't go somewhere if I don't have someone that I'm comfortable with to latch onto. This comes across as needy and annoying, but I can't help it. It's part of why I only go out with certain people - the ones that know my struggles.
I catch a lot of flack for the fact that I'm 26 and living at home. I never moved out - never had the inclination to. It's a mixture of anxiety and looking at this economy. So many young adults are moving back in with their parents and I just never left. Sometimes I feel like people punish me for that.
My anxiety spiraled out of control in 2014, after my dad lost his battle with cancer. In March of 2014, just before my trip to England, I found out about his diagnosis. He didn't want to tell me because he knew that I would have canceled my trip, that I would have stayed to help around the house. But he wanted me to go. I had worked so hard to be able to afford this and he didn't want to ruin it.
My trip would have been for 6 months. After 3 months, my childhood dog got sick and I had a choice to make. I paid to change my ticket and came home. My dog didn't make it - he passed away at midnight on the day I would arrive. Five and a half months later, the doctors said that my dad would have about 6 months left with us.
Almost three weeks later, he was gone. I watched my dad die in our home. It is because of this that deaths of parents and cancer are serious triggers for me. I can't read applications that mention it, I can't read about it at all. I break down and I sob uncontrollably. I started crying while I typed this. I can't watch movies that are heavily influenced on the relationship between fathers/daughters. I used to be obsessed with Say Yes to the Dress. I haven't been able to watch it in 4 years.
Now I get anxiety when I think about moving out of the house I live in with my mom. I panic, thinking about leaving her alone and something horrible happening. In August of this year, she had a heart attack. It wasn't her first, but it was traumatizing for me. I thought I was going to lose her and suddenly I realized that I have nothing together.
I've been "unemployed" since I was laid off the year my dad died. Not for lack of trying, but lack of opportunities where I live. I don't drive. I don't know how to do half of the things that she does and largely because school never taught us that kind of shit.
Over the years, I've built a foundation of friendships, of supports. People that I can talk to about this stuff - though I try so hard not to because I don't want to bring them down. I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I'm not okay, not even a little, but I pretend as often and as long as I can.
That being said, I know if you're struggling with a mental illness, you're probably feeling like a burden. Not only to others, but to yourself as well. You think, "why can't I be normal?" I get it. I feel it. It's so important to know that you're not alone, that there are bunch of other people out there that aren't "normal" either.
I'm one of them and I'm here for you. No matter what.
